How to be Happy: Love the Life you are Living

I don’t know very many people, if any, who don’t want to love the life they are living.  But, what if you don’t enjoy your life?  Can you learn how to be happy?

I think when we first start talking about how to be happy with our life, we need to narrow down what that means exactly.  Personally, I don’t think being happy with your life means never having hard times, never having low days, and never being disappointed with what is going on in your life.

I think that if one is happy with their life, they look at what is going on in their life as whole, and overall they are pleased with how things are going, and the choices they’ve made.

It doesn’t mean perfection.

It doesn’t mean never striving to be better.

It just means that the things in their life bring them joy.

Now, before I go any further into this, I feel like I need to make a disclaimer.  When I am talking about ways you can be happy in your life, I am not talking about how to get out of depression.  Depression is a whole other subject that goes beyond a few changes you can make.  Depression is real for many people and I never want to minimize the struggle people who suffer from depression are going through.  Depression requires advice from doctors and psychologists, both of which I am neither.

This post is not about overcoming depression.  It’s about learning how to get to a place that you feel happiness and contentment with where you are at in your life.

You also may be thinking why I think I am even qualified to talk about this.  Well, years ago I was living a life I didn’t really love.  I wasn’t happy in my life.  For years I felt stuck.  I also felt it was out of my hands and that my life couldn’t change, and that I had no control over it.

Until one day I discovered that if I wasn’t happy with my life, I had to do something about it.

The same can be true for you.  If you feel like you are not living the life you dreamed of having, it may be time to make some changes.

HOW TO BE HAPPY AND LIVE A LIFE FULL OF JOY

Make goals.  If we have nothing to strive for, we get stuck.  Now, when I talk about goals, I’m not talking about big, huge massive life altering goals.  Sure, you can make those if you want – grow in your career, start a foundation, write a book – but that isn’t going to be life giving to everyone, and for many people those kinds of goals are overwhelming and stressful.

No, I’m talking about any kind of goals at all, no matter how small.  It can be as simple as learning how to be bake bread or cook more,  pay down debt, run a 10k, or read the Bible in a year.  Working towards something gives us a sense of purpose.

Get your finances in order.  Since I mentioned debt in the last point, I figured we should dive into finances for the next point.  You may wonder what taking control of your finances and being happy have to do with each other.   Well, let me tell you, a lot.  When we have large amounts of debt or not enough money to pay our bills, we are stressed.  We struggle to sleep at night with that cloud over our heads.  It’s very difficult to be happy when you worry that you are one emergency away from losing it all financially.

Learn how to be grateful.  It’s harder to love our lives and be happy with them if we are picking it apart and looking at only the negative.  Sometimes a positive outlook and a grateful heart makes us realize that our life is actually not as bad as we think.  Most of us don’t have to look too far to be able to find at least SOMETHING to be grateful for.

Avoid negative influences.  Years ago I remember hearing a quote by Jim Rohn that said “You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” If you surround yourself with negative people, most likely you’ll become negative and unhappy.  Generally negative people don’t really look at their life and feel joy.  If you surround yourself with positive people, there’s a good chance you’ll be more positive too.

Make changes. Most of us have heard Albert Einstein’s quote that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  If you look at your life and you feel anything but happy, it’s time to make a change.  Doing the same thing over and over again is not producing the results you want, so it’s time to change.

That is the point we got to in our life.  We made career changes, ended up moving, and even changed our social circles (which came with the move.)  When we stepped out of our comfort zone and started making changes like that, we discovered that if we were unhappy with the way we were going, we needed to take ownership of that and change it – no matter how many eye rolls we got from people who didn’t understand why would do what we were doing.

I can tell you with 100% certainty, we look back and never for one second regret the changes we have made.  I shudder to think of where our life would have been had we NOT stepped into the scary unknown and trusted what we felt was God’s guidance in our life.

Try out some new hobbies or activities.  Sometimes people are unhappy with their life because they are bored.  If that’s you, then it is time to add something new to your life!  Try out a new hobby or activity.  This goes hand in hand with the first point about goals.  Your new hobby or activity can be something you do on your own, like raising chickens, starting a blog, woodworking, scrapbooking, or paddleboarding (that’s quite a mismatch of activities :)) or if you need more social interaction in your life consider joining a community or church group, or exercise class at the local YMCA, or a dance class, or a sports league.  There are so many options out there to get involved in.

Take care of your health.  Guys, I have a serious sweet tooth.  But you know what happens when I eat too much sugar?  I feel good for a few minutes, and then for the rest of the night I am depressed.  That may sound melodramatic, but it’s true.  I struggle to know when to stop when it comes to treats, and once I eat too much my body isn’t very happy with me.  The same goes for lack of exercise.  When we don’t take care of ourselves, it can literally affect our mental well-being and bring us down.  I know it isn’t easy – I fail in this area all the time, but no matter how many times you fail or how hard it is, keep at it.  It’s worth it.

Stop comparing your life to someone else’s.  Too much time spent on social media and we can easily find ourselves comparing our lives to someone else’s.  We see their vacations, the way their hair is never out of place, the perfect grades their kids get, and how everyone seems to adore them.

But let’s be honest – what we see on social media is everyone’s best.  No one is hanging their dirty laundry out for the world to see, you know what I mean?  And I get it.  I don’t plan on posting all my worst moments on social media any time soon either.  But NO one has a perfect life.

We don’t know what is going on behind the scenes. And even if their life is pretty amazing, the more time we spend focusing on what other people are doing and comparing ourselves to them, the less time we have to be doing what we really want to be doing in our life.  Finding a way to be happy for others instead of feeling jealous about their life will also help you experience happiness in your own life.  Don’t let the highlights of other people’s lives distract you from the joy you can be experiencing in your own life.

Stop blaming others for your unhappiness.  If we are constantly blaming others for the lack of joy in our life, we get stuck in negativity.  I’m not even saying you don’t have a valid reason to blame someone else for what is going on in your life because the truth is, what people do can affect us negatively and hurt us and sometimes there is an element of unhappiness, if even momentarily, that people can bring to our life through their actions.   But, if that is the case, blaming others gives them even more control.  Don’t let them have that.

Will Smith shared in a video that what happened to you may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility to fix it.  It may not be fair, but in the end if we wait for those who hurt us to fix it there is a good chance that will never happen.  Will Smith explained in his video that taking responsibility is NOT an admission of guilt, what it allows you to do is to move forward in your life to a place where you can be happy.

LIVING A LIFE YOU LOVE

While hard times will come, and there will be moments and even seasons in our life where we struggle with sadness, you can have a life that brings you happiness.  The key is to take ownership of how to get to a place in our lives that bring us contentment.