When you feel like you are too much to handle

Today’s post is a little different from the regular frugal and homesteading tips I like to give on this blog. However, I wanted to share today’s post to offer hope and encouragement to anyone who may be feeling like things would be better if they were a different person. If they were quieter, or louder. If they talked more or less, if they got in front of people more or stayed behind the scenes instead.

Recently I was chatting with my husband and just kind of feeling low because I was dealing with some stuff. I had been deep in thought lately about who I was as a person, and I was having a lot of self doubt.  I really just had a lot of negative self-talk going on in my head.

“I just feel like I’m too much to handle for some people,” I said to my husband.

I feel like our husbands often feel in those tough times that they need to reassure us there is no way that could possibly be true.

But my husband, in all his wisdom knew that I wouldn’t be convinced if he said that. It’s because he knew exactly what I meant and he knew there was truth to my statement.

But he also knew that wasn’t a bad thing. And that’s what he knew I needed reassurance in because in that moment I was feeling like everything about me was all wrong.

Look, if people are describing me they definitely aren’t using the words meek and mild.

And yet, for so long I prayed that God would make me that way. Isn’t that the ultimate compliment we strive for as women?

My husband, talking to me as I poured out my heart as I was feeling broken over it, said to me that yes, that is true, but I shouldn’t change who I am because in his opinion he felt I was “full of life.”

Full of life.

Those words lifted my soul to a place I desperately needed it at that moment. Those words told me I wasn’t “all wrong.”  That my emotional needs weren’t crazy.

My husband’s words reminded me that God created me to be used for a purpose and that I had to stop with those thoughts because they really get in the way of doing what I am called to do when I start second-guessing every action in case someone around me might feel like I am “too much to handle.”

Look, I’m definitely not meek and mild. Now, when I talk about meek, I’m talking about a more quiet nature, speaking softly and maybe holding back a little more.

When you start looking into what “meek” actually means, you get a slew of definitions. When meek is referred to being kind and gentle to those around us, embracing a mild temper, I definitely think we need to aspire to do more of that, no matter who you are.  Those are all important things.

But, as for when meek is being defined as “quiet,” always speaking softly and sweetly, well, I don’t fall anywhere close to that. When I laugh it isn’t a gentle, quiet giggle. I love to blast my music and dance and sing in my kitchen. I easily grow passionate and excited when sharing a story. I talk a lot because I struggle with the awkward silence.

Small things can cause a huge, happy reaction from me. I find blessings in the smallest things and sometimes I sound like a broken record when I tell those around me how happy I am to be living the life I am living because I still can’t believe I get to have all these wonderful things in my life.

My kids are the same way. When they were younger a trip to the dollar store would have them so excited at everything they saw.

No, really. To the point that bystanders would be giggling to themselves to see these kids screeching in delight over seeing tinsel and Christmas ornaments hanging on the rack.

But this kind of personality also has it’s downsides too. I always say that those that “play hard, crash hard.” I am sensitive to what’s going on around me or what someone else is feeling when they interact with me. When I am standing in a room of many people I pick up on way too much and it can feel overwhelming. I prefer smaller groups because of it.  My brain doesn’t stop and I have a hard time sleeping. I struggle with feeling extremely low some days. I am a constant worrier.

WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE TOO MUCH: GOD CREATED US WITH DIFFERENT AND UNIQUE PERSONALITIES FOR A REASON

God knew who we would be as people. He didn’t create us to be all one way and He isn’t surprised by who we become as adults. He knew that we compliment each other better if we have a different personalities, and different strengths. Someone who has a meek and mild personality can reach people in a way I can’t, but I can reach people in a way they can’t. I recently had to remind myself of that when I wondered why I couldn’t just be more like “so and so.”

That’s not to say I have nothing to work on when it comes to who I am. Clearly the above list tells you otherwise. But we all have parts of ourselves we need to improve, whether we are quiet and more even keel in our personalities, or whether we are louder and have a tendency to feel highs and lows at a more intense capacity than others.

However God made you, we need to look at that and realize the strengths we have and use those as gifts to do what we are called to do instead of trying to stifle those parts of us. Even if there are people around us who wishes we would stifle those qualities more often.

Because, I know you know this, but not everyone is going to like us. And THAT’S OKAY.

It is because of my personality that I’ve been confident (or maybe stubborn) enough to pursue things for myself and my family that others have shook their head at.

It’s because of my boldness in what I believe our family is called to do that we have been able to do some amazing things and continue to pursue big dreams. It is because of my sensitivity that I consider how other people are affected when I am involved in various commitments and how my choices and actions make them feel.

It is because of my tendency to be loud and bold that even though I am shaking inside and am terrified to the point that I feel like I am going to throw up (which happens way more than people around me would know) I still get up at the front of church to sing, or play guitar or even make an announcement, or I make live videos online for my blog, or I step out of my comfort zone in another way.

Because it’s my boldness and stubbornness that refuses to allow my anxiety or fear win – no matter how often it is there.

It is because of my sensitivity, and my tendency to “have big feelings” that I love to cheer those around me on so they feel confident and strong and believe in themselves. Because I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t measure up, so I want others to to feel encouraged in the things they are trying to accomplish in their life and not feel the same way.

I don’t want to miss those moments to tell them they did a good job when they play an instrument, lead a ministry, play a sport, or do an art project because I worry that others might not and they might second guess their abilities and gifts.

Of course, for every positive thing I share about who I am, I could share a flaw. But, I’ve spent too much time focusing on my flaws and it’s time to believe that God wants to use my strengths, and even my weaknesses.

OUR PASTS HELP SHAPE OUR PERSONALITY AS ADULTS

Part of who we are as adults was formed as we were kids. The truth is, my childhood was filled with a lot of heartache and in an effort to create a life as an adult that did not repeat cycles I fought hard to make different choices. And when we make different choices than those closest to us we often take backlash. In an effort to stand against a large amount of backlash we need to be bold, we need to be so ridiculously excited about our future and the changes we are making so we don’t lose momentum on the hard days, and yes, sometimes we need to be a little “too much to handle” for some people.

When we start looking at ourselves convinced that who we are is just “all wrong” and “if I was more like so and so then that would make me a better person” then we miss out on using what we do have to offer.

No matter how much I work on the areas in my life I need to work on, I will never be meek and mild. It wasn’t who I was created to be.

The same goes for someone who is blessed with a personality that is meek and mild. They can work on areas in their life that they want to improve, but they will always be who they were made to be and trying to become a completely different person would just lead to frustration and disappointment.

And the best thing about this is, we all bring different gifts to the table because of our personalities. I have beautiful, wonderful, amazing friends who are what I would consider “meek and mild.” They have so much to offer and they can do things I can’t. They can relate to people that I can’t.

But – no matter your personality, it’s not a mistake. It’s time we are confident in who we are so that instead of wasting time wishing we were another way we can take the positive qualities we have and use them to help those around us, and use them to be the best version of ourselves.

So, if you come to my house, I’d hand you a cup of coffee, and I’d probably talk too much as I excitedly told you stories from my week. But I’ll also listen and hug you if you need to cry, and I’ll check in on you later on if you share the hard stuff.

If I run into you in the store, or in church, or at a social function, I’ll chat excitedly talking about anything I can think of to fill the awkward silence which could involve me putting my foot in my mouth, but I’ll also tell you that you did an awesome job in your latest endeavor and I’ll support you.

If we’re on a committee together or working together I’ll inundate you with a thousand ideas that would be cool to do, but I’ll also ask you how you feel about it and I’ll always show up to do my part.

Embrace who you are. You were made for so much more than wanting to be someone else.  Don’t let your mental health suffer because you are believing the lie that life would be better if you were someone different.

Related: Keep Going, Don’t Give Up